Patience is one of those things in life that I was not blessed with. In fact I'll let you in on a little secret about me, I'm a planner, I stress and worry about things far more than I need to, and I have to stay busy. When I came home from school over in Thatcher I had a plan, which only a few days after I got home crumpled before my eyes. So there I was plan-less and unsure what I was doing home and why I had felt I needed to be there. That was when I truly started relying on my Heavenly Father and trying to detect what His plan was for me. It was only a couple of weeks later that I met my ex-fiance.
So there I was again, I had a plan. It did not work out, and I know for the best, but I was left plan-less. I have spent the last two and a half months doing all I can to any have insight on what I am "supposed" to be doing with my life. And I have thought of every option I perceive as possible right now. Something I am asked a lot is if I am going to serve a mission, and I have asked myself and Heavenly Father that so many times, and every time I feel if that is what I should do, its not for right now. So no mission, maybe school? I'll be honest, I am not a big fan of school. I don't really enjoy dragging myself there however many times a week, taking classes I am only taking to get a piece of paper stating I have gone through enough torture and faked enough papers, or slipped my way through enough tests to have a "degree." That is definitely the worst mind set to have about learning, but my goal is to work on one thing at a time haha. But maybe I will take a class next semester to ease my way back into it and I would really enjoy an institute class.
Another reason I don't care too much for school is because my whole life, whenever students are asked what they want to be when they grow up I've answered: a mom. Its honorable to receive and education and for those who want to have a career, but I believe my role on this earth is to take care of some of Heavenly Father's most precious children. So getting a degree is not on the top of my to do list. Unfortunately to be a mother I also have to be a wife haha, which is not in the cards for me this moment, therefore I am back to square one. Moving out of the house again sounds extremely appealing some days, but I know I need to be home right now, building a stronger relationship with my family. And I will admit a new singles ward with new people definitely would be fun, but I also know I need to be in my ward for the time being.
I attended the temple yesterday for the first time in a few months, and that is a huge part of my life that had been missing. The spirit there is euphoric and leaves me feeling refreshed. I left it all on the table and felt a complete peace that the key to Heavenly Fathers plan for me is patience. That virtue I have struggled with my entire life is now necessary for me to learn, or go stir crazy. Thankfully I have an amazing family and a lot of small hobbies and a wonderful job to preoccupy myself until the next big "plan" comes my way. I am left with lots of "right nows" and "maybe I could try this", but I know what I will do is be patient.
====Sarah in "Life As I Know It"====
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