Alright Fokes, this is it. I'm down to the wire. I leave in less than 72 hours and come Wednesday morning I will be flying to Provo, UT to spend the next 6 weeks learning a new language and more importantly how to be a missionary. I have so many mixed feelings at this point and it doesn't seem real yet.
I have been reflecting on the past few months since I received my call, and all I can think is how much I've grown, but also how much I could have grown more. I have spent a lot of time being a bit selfish and focusing all on me, when I should have been focusing on others and especially preparing myself. Of course this isn't a bash on Sarah fest, but its just self reflection; and along with the negative there is always a positive! For anyone who has served a mission, or even received a mission call and has had that wait to be set apart and enter the MTC, you can understand how difficult that wait can be. Each person is different and with that there are different trials and temptations thrown in the way of anyone doing what is right. A few things I have learned are there are a couple cases in life that Satan spends extra time and effort into ruining a person: 1. when going through the temple, or more importantly being sealed and 2. when serving a mission. This is because both effect thousands of other people. Being sealed is a blessing to your family and generations to come, and teaching and baptizing others blesses more people than we may ever know. With that said, I have gotten a large dose of Satan's attention.
Not that I feel I should reveal every corner of my heart, but I do like to share personal experiences for any few people who read this so that they may take something away from it. I have been tried in ways in the last few months different than I ever have before. The day I went through the temple was interesting. I've heard countless times how Satan works his hardest on this day in your life, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I didn't get a flat tire on the way, I didn't wake up to some sickness or really any temporal obstacle. I woke up with a feeling of inadequacy to receive my own endowment and the ordinances and covenants that come with that. Never before had I felt something like that and I struggled a lot, not sure why I was feeling the way I did. I have been on the road of repentance many times before and I knew that I was square with the Lord, and even though I'm not perfect, He was there to make up the difference. So that was my trial that day, I felt unsettled and even though that's not the way I imagined feeling on this special day, once I entered the Celestial Room and saw my loved ones standing in a circle waiting for me I was filled with love and peace. I have made it a priority to attend weekly since and have been monumentally blessed because of it.
So now for the wait. I knew reading my call the next four and a half months were going to feel like the longest ones of my life, but I didn't know what that really entailed. I met a lot of new people and started hanging out with a new group of friends, friends who grew up together and have known each other for years. So at times I felt like the odd one out, not exactly fitting in. I didn't know anyone else waiting for a mission like me and didn't have anyone to turn to when things got hard. So what do you do? You turn to the Lord. I have never leaned on Heavenly Father and Christ so much in my life as I have these last couple months. There have been nights I've spent a good thirty minutes on my knees pouring out my hurt heart. I have never been so humbled. I started realizing life isn't all about me. I started serving those around me, even people who didn't necessarily want my service. I obtained a knew understanding of charity and tasted a sample of what I expect to feel on my mission. I worked hard at my calling and being active in my singles ward and continued to meet new people. I can now only hope I have left a small impact on some hearts here in AZ.
I now have a true, deep desire to serve. I want to be the best missionary I can be and leave the next 18 months on the field, holding nothing back. I want to forget about my life here, but not experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today. I am ready to be molded and improved upon and I can only pray my heart will be softened for this to happen. I am nearly Sister/Hermana Klein and want to be nothing less than a stalwart representative of Jesus Christ.
I will see you in 18 months! Write me while I am gone (: And may your lives always be blessed!
-Sarah Klein- sarah.klein@myldsmail.net
